Yikes. This REM sleep behavior disorder thing has snuck up on me fast. Within the past two weeks, I've had two definite and one likely episode. I've already described two in my previous episode, but I'll recap them here and then tell you about the latest.
In the first, I woke in the middle of a dream in which I was fighting someone--perhaps a friend from childhood--and, though I'm hardly the violent type, I ended up kicking her as hard as I possibly could in the belly. Only it wasn't her belly; it was the end of the bed, and thank goodness none of our pups were sleeping there at the time, or they'd have been smashed or flung across the room.
The second is presumed, but no other logical explanation exists.
One day recently, I became aware of my finger hurting shortly after I woke up.
I saw two bruises on the back of my right ring finger between the knuckle and the tip. As I moved the finger around, the knuckle seemed to click back in place; it had been dislocated.
I had no memory of hurting the finger the day before, so it most likely happened while I was sleeping. Perhaps I'd flung it behind me and hit one of the spindles of the headboard. Who knows--I may have even wakened at the time, but I can't say. My arms and legs have been jerking all over the place while sleeping for a long time.
This is actually yet another sleep disorder that is found, again, with neurodegenerative disease as well as narcolepsy: period limb movement disorder. Really? Apparently so. I remember falling asleep in Germany in the room where Sabine, my best friend who was dying, slept next door. Every night I'd wake up after my arm struck the wall, horrified that I might have wakened my sick, sleeping friend. This sort of thing continues happening--I catch myself now and then.
As WebMD says regarding the condition, "These movements are very different from the normal spasms, called hypnic myoclonia, that we often experience initially while trying to fall asleep."
Scary, too, is that period limb movement disorder (and perhaps these other problems?) may be caused by antidepressants. I began taking Effexor shortly after it hit the market in 1996, and I've taken it ever since. Though I haven't been severely or clinically depressed at any time other than that episode in '96--brought on, I'm convinced, by my very bad reaction to Depo-Provera--the Effexor has been a life-saver, ironically, in controlling my anxiety. I'm on a low dose, but no one ever tested the drug over two decades. It doesn't seem entirely unlikely to me that the drug might have brought on this degenerative process.
Now we come to last night. Again, I woke in the middle of a dream--but just a moment too late, as I'd just punched Honey several times!
Right away I realized what had happened; I gasped and apologized. He just sort of grunted and kept sleeping; I wasn't sure he'd even felt it. I hit pretty hard, but he was covered in two layers of comforters--I tend to sleep on top of the covers, and he stays cocooned underneath. Probably a good idea especially now--much safer that way!
The fight in that dream is murkier for me; I just know I was fighting someone, and I'm pretty darned sure it wasn't Honey, and my poor innocent sleeping darling was pummeled because of it! Fortunately, WAS his chest and not his face that my fists connected with.
Today I asked him if he remembered my punching him, and he said he did. Perhaps, like my friend whose husband also has the disorder due to Parkinson's disease, he should line up some pillows between us in bed from now on.
This is scary stuff! Not only because I might hurt a loved one--man or beast--or myself. But because the condition is frequently a harbinger of brain degeneration.
According to WebMD, "The exact cause of REM sleep behavior disorder (RBD) is unknown, although the disorder may occur in association with various degenerative neurological conditions such as Parkinson's disease, multisystem atrophy, diffuse Lewy body dementia, and Shy-Drager syndrome."
Another cause is drug or alcohol withdrawal, but I'm not dealing with either of those.
Almost more disturbing to me is the violence of the dreams. I have always been quite good at remembering my dreams, and never have they contained much, if any, violence (other than a period decades ago in which I was the victim of violence--not the perpetrator). I can't help but wonder whether this condition also increases the level of violent content in dreams. As a peace nut, that scares me a lot.
In fact, "RBD is characterized by the acting out of dreams that are vivid, intense, and violent." There it is. Violence. Not how my brain, even my sleeping brain, usually works! "Dream-enacting behaviors include talking, yelling, punching, kicking, sitting, jumping from bed, arm flailing, and grabbing."
There's that arm flailing thing. And I lifted my body off the bed when I kicked that first time--it was a truly violent, all-body kick.
Very disturbing!
However, that violence is not indicative of a violent personality, as I already felt confident was true. "People with RBD are not more aggressive or violent than others when awake. RBD is a medical problem," says Sleep Education, a Web site from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. "It is not a psychiatric disorder."
In fact, the Cleveland Clinic describes the dreams in this disorder as "distinctly altered"--one presumes meaning altered from "normal" dreams the person may have--"that are vivid, intense, action-packed, and violent."
Happy happy, joy joy, in the famous words of Ren and Stimpy.
WebMD states that "RBD often precedes the development of . . . neurodegenerative diseases by several years."
Well, la di da. I already have my diagnosis of neurodegenerative disease from the one doctor I see that I implicitly trust: the eminent neurologist Dr. A, as described in other episodes.
So, all I can surmise from this sudden burst of REM sleep behavior incidents is that the degenerative process is speeding up.
I know I've been sleepier than ever before. I'm having a harder and harder time doing much of anything, though I forced myself to bake sugar cookies for Valentine's Day today, and I spent the last couple of days working on a toddler dress with some of the fun fabrics I'd bought while making purses. Making toddler dresses for future sale on Etsy is how I channel my never-had-a-baby-girl blues.
The cookies aren't frosted and the toddler dress isn't done yet, however.
Sleep so frequently intervenes. And though the hypersomnolence is a royal pain in the ass, having stolen my professional and much of my social life, sleep over the past couple of years has been mostly pleasant. Other than the night terrors and hypnogogic hallicinations described in my previous episode that happened decades ago, I've rarely had nightmares.
But now I'm having nightmares--violent nightmares--and they are bleeding into "real" life.
I don't want to hurt my doggies or my Honey--or myself, for that matter.
And I don't want to degenerate this quickly.
I like my brain.
I really do.
I'm going to miss it if it goes. I'm going to miss me.
In the meantime, pleasant dreams!
In the first, I woke in the middle of a dream in which I was fighting someone--perhaps a friend from childhood--and, though I'm hardly the violent type, I ended up kicking her as hard as I possibly could in the belly. Only it wasn't her belly; it was the end of the bed, and thank goodness none of our pups were sleeping there at the time, or they'd have been smashed or flung across the room.
The second is presumed, but no other logical explanation exists.
One day recently, I became aware of my finger hurting shortly after I woke up.
I saw two bruises on the back of my right ring finger between the knuckle and the tip. As I moved the finger around, the knuckle seemed to click back in place; it had been dislocated.
I had no memory of hurting the finger the day before, so it most likely happened while I was sleeping. Perhaps I'd flung it behind me and hit one of the spindles of the headboard. Who knows--I may have even wakened at the time, but I can't say. My arms and legs have been jerking all over the place while sleeping for a long time.
This is actually yet another sleep disorder that is found, again, with neurodegenerative disease as well as narcolepsy: period limb movement disorder. Really? Apparently so. I remember falling asleep in Germany in the room where Sabine, my best friend who was dying, slept next door. Every night I'd wake up after my arm struck the wall, horrified that I might have wakened my sick, sleeping friend. This sort of thing continues happening--I catch myself now and then.
As WebMD says regarding the condition, "These movements are very different from the normal spasms, called hypnic myoclonia, that we often experience initially while trying to fall asleep."
Scary, too, is that period limb movement disorder (and perhaps these other problems?) may be caused by antidepressants. I began taking Effexor shortly after it hit the market in 1996, and I've taken it ever since. Though I haven't been severely or clinically depressed at any time other than that episode in '96--brought on, I'm convinced, by my very bad reaction to Depo-Provera--the Effexor has been a life-saver, ironically, in controlling my anxiety. I'm on a low dose, but no one ever tested the drug over two decades. It doesn't seem entirely unlikely to me that the drug might have brought on this degenerative process.
Now we come to last night. Again, I woke in the middle of a dream--but just a moment too late, as I'd just punched Honey several times!
Right away I realized what had happened; I gasped and apologized. He just sort of grunted and kept sleeping; I wasn't sure he'd even felt it. I hit pretty hard, but he was covered in two layers of comforters--I tend to sleep on top of the covers, and he stays cocooned underneath. Probably a good idea especially now--much safer that way!
The fight in that dream is murkier for me; I just know I was fighting someone, and I'm pretty darned sure it wasn't Honey, and my poor innocent sleeping darling was pummeled because of it! Fortunately, WAS his chest and not his face that my fists connected with.
Today I asked him if he remembered my punching him, and he said he did. Perhaps, like my friend whose husband also has the disorder due to Parkinson's disease, he should line up some pillows between us in bed from now on.
This is scary stuff! Not only because I might hurt a loved one--man or beast--or myself. But because the condition is frequently a harbinger of brain degeneration.
According to WebMD, "The exact cause of REM sleep behavior disorder (RBD) is unknown, although the disorder may occur in association with various degenerative neurological conditions such as Parkinson's disease, multisystem atrophy, diffuse Lewy body dementia, and Shy-Drager syndrome."
Another cause is drug or alcohol withdrawal, but I'm not dealing with either of those.
Almost more disturbing to me is the violence of the dreams. I have always been quite good at remembering my dreams, and never have they contained much, if any, violence (other than a period decades ago in which I was the victim of violence--not the perpetrator). I can't help but wonder whether this condition also increases the level of violent content in dreams. As a peace nut, that scares me a lot.
In fact, "RBD is characterized by the acting out of dreams that are vivid, intense, and violent." There it is. Violence. Not how my brain, even my sleeping brain, usually works! "Dream-enacting behaviors include talking, yelling, punching, kicking, sitting, jumping from bed, arm flailing, and grabbing."
There's that arm flailing thing. And I lifted my body off the bed when I kicked that first time--it was a truly violent, all-body kick.
Very disturbing!
However, that violence is not indicative of a violent personality, as I already felt confident was true. "People with RBD are not more aggressive or violent than others when awake. RBD is a medical problem," says Sleep Education, a Web site from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. "It is not a psychiatric disorder."
In fact, the Cleveland Clinic describes the dreams in this disorder as "distinctly altered"--one presumes meaning altered from "normal" dreams the person may have--"that are vivid, intense, action-packed, and violent."
Happy happy, joy joy, in the famous words of Ren and Stimpy.
WebMD states that "RBD often precedes the development of . . . neurodegenerative diseases by several years."
Well, la di da. I already have my diagnosis of neurodegenerative disease from the one doctor I see that I implicitly trust: the eminent neurologist Dr. A, as described in other episodes.
So, all I can surmise from this sudden burst of REM sleep behavior incidents is that the degenerative process is speeding up.
I know I've been sleepier than ever before. I'm having a harder and harder time doing much of anything, though I forced myself to bake sugar cookies for Valentine's Day today, and I spent the last couple of days working on a toddler dress with some of the fun fabrics I'd bought while making purses. Making toddler dresses for future sale on Etsy is how I channel my never-had-a-baby-girl blues.
The cookies aren't frosted and the toddler dress isn't done yet, however.
 |
| Still have to buy confectioner's sugar to make decorative frosting for MOST of the cookies (we were out), but I did manage to finish a few tiny linzer cookies. Yum. |
Sleep so frequently intervenes. And though the hypersomnolence is a royal pain in the ass, having stolen my professional and much of my social life, sleep over the past couple of years has been mostly pleasant. Other than the night terrors and hypnogogic hallicinations described in my previous episode that happened decades ago, I've rarely had nightmares.
But now I'm having nightmares--violent nightmares--and they are bleeding into "real" life.
I don't want to hurt my doggies or my Honey--or myself, for that matter.
And I don't want to degenerate this quickly.
I like my brain.
I really do.
I'm going to miss it if it goes. I'm going to miss me.
In the meantime, pleasant dreams!
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